on humor, the salve of the soul

if i wrote a book on how coffee helps you burn fat, i'd call it "how to french press your body weight"

will try to publish various goofy things i find online, as well as my own misguided sense of funniness...

try this on for size:

You know you’re a Dirtbag when:


1. Your idea of a “high-class” meal is one where tang is not necessary to create “flavor.”
2. Your picture is on the wall of most national park ranger stations
3. You live in a 1967 VW bus
4. You consider your occupation to be “free-spirited-philosopher”
5. You spend more time running from rangers than actually climbing
6. You painted your VW in camouflage to avoid being detected by the “smokey-bears”
7. You name your VW “freedom”
8. You haven’t had a haircut in three years, and you excuse it by saying “it’s the euro look”
9. Your idea of a hot date is any female who can belay
10. You work at whatever job you can get that is closest to Yosemite, Joshua Tree, Red Rocks, Rocky Mountain Park etc. (usually involving flipping burgers or rotating tires, or both)
11. Your hair has more knots in it than your dog
12. You firmly believe that Nalgene is high-quality cookwear
13. You regularly keep in touch with your parents by the one free phone call you get when thrown in prison (usually occurs when the VW bus is identified as distinct from its surrounding foliage)
14. You believe that if everyone climbed, there would be world peace
15. You think Osama Bin Laden is some new middle-eastern sport-climber
16. You take baths in Yosemite Falls
17. You have permanent hat-head from your beloved bennie, which you claim was once owned by Royal Robbins because another dirtbag told you so and sold it to you for $50 (usually it is necessary to use extreme force when removing from head; many times the aid of “the jaws of life” is employed)
18. You have a doormat that says “home sweet home” outside your tent in camp 4
19. You practice deep eastern meditation while sitting in trance-position on top of “freedom”
20. you practice ceremonial initiations for any newcomers to the camp 4 community
21. the only books you’ve ever read are Jack Kerouc’s On the Road, and Yosemite Free climbs
22. The only tape you own is U2’s “Joshua Tree”, and you play “where the streets have no name” ceremonially every time you enter the monument
23. You can’t spell your name, but you can recite every climb in the valley from memory

so a ham sandwich walks into a bar and says "give me a hot dog". bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve food here"