Sunday, January 18, 2009

californians are assholes

yes, you know it. you are one. or you know one. or you're becoming one, or wish you were one. or are trying to remember what it was like not to be one. i'm sure this thought will explode into a million tiny little pieces in time, but for now i just wish to make the statement. the attitude here, the golden rule, is to step on, fuck over, and destroy anyone you can in order to get more fame, more money, more power. my parents took a long time to realize this, and i think in all still don't fully understand the depth of the situation here. they have the burden of being real people; having souls; having a desire to better everyone around them as well as themselves. i grew up in socal, but i was never one of them. my parents are not one of them. my father tried to be for awhile, but he cannot escape the fact that he has a heart, instead of the second asshole most folks here have where their heart should be, and so he has accepted his status as a real person. it's really awful. it is. i lived in portland, OR for awhile, and i know that i'm not just imagining things. people there tended to have more humanity, more soul. there were assholes there of course; there are real folks here, of course, but what i want to say, what i feel people missunderstand (even if they recognize the inherent "fuck you"-ness of socal), is that this is THE pervasive vibe of the area. it affects everything. every town has a vibe, a current, and overarching feel; it's a stereotype, but only because it's true. denver has solidity, a lack of true energy but also of true insanity. in the middle of the country, content to be what it is, not a boom-town, not trying to get somewhere it isn't, denver is what it is, and what it is is the crossroads of east and west. some will tell you otherwise, but the real west begins at denver, the plains don't count. boulder has glorious hills, and it is impossible to not feel overwhelmed and changed by their beauty. indeed, this is why boulder is the most hippie town in the country today. it is impossible to live in the shadow of glory, and not be changed by it, not desire to save it, not realize that you are human, and they are human, and we are together folk. socal has mountains, but you can't see them, oceans but you will be ostracized from them if you are not sexy enough, and there is no where that isn't dominated by the theme: money, fame, power. everyone is in the business of star-dom. the hate, the ego, the huge cost of just living here, creates a sea of hateful, evil people. selfish, un-human, uncaring, alone and scathing. like a dog trapped in a corner, all those who have not "made it", feel like losers, in fact that is what they are trained to think, and they lash out at those around. they grab every bit of glory they have, and hoist it aloft for all to see, smashing them over the head with it when possible, to prove their worth. forever seeking a glory that does not exist except on a movie screen. it's too bad. it is really too damn bad. what a magnificent piece of real estate. mountains and oceans; sunshine and sandy beaches; art and possibilities; but we have fucked her; we have fucked her to death. we have raped her, we have raped our own souls as we have taken from her and shared none with our brothers. we have no brothers. no family, no community. i hate it. i have fought all my life to not become one of them, and i have succeeded, though their influence will never be gone. what a majestic place this is, and what a heap of trash it is. so many possibilities. so much hate, so much despair, so little heart. but i see LA as the great question mark in our country's future, and i feel that our fate will signal the fate of our country. we can restore, we can change, but we have to give a shit. or we can fade into obscurity, a footnote in history, a failed experiment. we ARE going to fade, it is happening. we will not dominate for long. but we can fade into piece and value, as britain has with the loss of their domination, or we can fade into destruction, as we are so close to accomplishing, so close to proving that we do not know how to care for ourselves as a group, we only know how to care for me. we have to learn now; we have to learn so we can diminish and have souls of our own, have lives of our own, with laughter, peace, pizza, and humanity. the hippie generation was right much more than they were wrong and they gave up and failed us. they've created this hate-soup for us. we must change, we must realize one very simple thing that we have so long forgotten: this is a horrible way to live, it is no good, it is no good for us. us, together, together, caring about us, helping us, becoming stronger, saving each others lives when needed, saving each others souls. everything you do changes the world. wake the fuck up.


Blogger dreanki said...

You hit the nail right on the head! Im from chicago, and I'm unfortunately stuck in california for a few months. The minute I'm sincerely nice to someone, I get looked at like I have three heads, I'm just not cool enough, or like I'm stupid. And then people try to take advantage of what ever they can. Because for some reason niceness is weakness. Then I get called a hater, for saying no.
Thanks for writing this, you hit some points that I wasn't noticing I was picking up on. :)

12:29 PM  

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