Friday, August 31, 2007

what's my life like now

a little bit of honesty; well, right now, i'm waiting, i'm waiting to live again; i've been waiting for years and years; i've found out that you can only live with pain and loss so long before something dies inside you; it's been too long for me, too long; too long having lost everything that i care about, my health, my wife, my body, my mountains, my education and future, everything. i'm not without hope but i'm not with as much as i used to be; but i know pain, and that's something i'll never have to fake, i know pain, i've looked it in the face for too long

so i do what i can, i eat well and i bodysurf when i can, and i hike when i can, and i wait

i don't think that i'll be staying here much after i get over this disease, orange county always rubbed me wrong, and the pacific northwest looks good to me, but i just can't say

i've all but given up predicting the future, but if i have a plan, now i'd say that i'm hoping to take a couple classes in the spring, while working part time and saving a bit of money, then perhaps moving next summer, settling in OR or WA most like, working, getting residency, then later going back to school and maybe later med school or phd or something; right now my two main interests are bio/medicine and tech, espcecially CS

so pain makes me stronger, but i'd trade that strength in a minute to have been saved the pain i've gone through, but fuck it, i'm not dead yet, and i'm stronger than ever


time to get back right straight

ok, fuck it, i'm back, for all my adoring fan

here's a thought:

the death of cool

this experiment has gone on too long; nonchalant-ism; i-don't-give-a-fuck-about-you----ism

it's tired, it's sad, it seperates us; time for cool to die

when it does, well, that'll do it; uplifting the art of not-caring is a sad tradition; we glorify ourselves by putting ourselves above each other and then...we're alone, and we wonder why

peace, the bear is back