i've been considering writing a litle diddy called smaller mountains. i have been thinking about the relative size of mountians. for example, for someone in a wheel chair a speed bump might be a mountain, whereas Anatoli Boukereev, a famous moutaineer whose autobiography i've been reading, found himself on the summit of everest, almost by accident ("above the clouds"). pride has no place in the mountains. the bible says pride goes before a fall, and i think about that litterally when i'm climbing. i've seen a lot of people get hurt doing different things because they thought they were invincible. if you ever talk to a mountaineer who has seen his fair share of ascents, they always seem to have a subdued and calm attitude about them. spend enough time in the mountains, and you will learn that you don't conquer a mountain, you get a graceful chance to ascend it. i think it a blessing from God that no matter what we devise, the mountain always has the last word. we can't devise our way out of extreme circumstances. i've been doing some hiking lately. in the last few years i've been relatively unactive, and my physical condition has deteriated. it has been so easy for me to focus on this and despair. i've gone through so many times of trying to find a way back to the way things were. but what God has been teaching me is to let go of that ego, that self-focus. rather, to focus on Him. the thing is, quite simply, i just love being up in the mountains. my soul feels so free up there, so i just go. sometimes, i'm huffing an puffing and fatigued. i like to call that "joy without a smile." i hiked up to the top of one of the flatirons today, layed back against a rock, and just was. i just go up there because i love it, and it has been freeing for me to let go of this self concentration. i think of what emerson said that he would become "an all-seeing eye," as if his presence was absent from his own conciousness. God is focusing on us, so we're rather set, aren't we. it is for us to focus on Him.
as far as mountain lions and hot sauce (came up with that on the trail today), what i mean is this. i tend to do a lot of hiking by myself, and i've been contemplating getting some anit-bear pepper spray (i'm serious, really). we have these critters called bears and mountain lions out here in wild boulder, and i've been thinking of getting some defense. yeah, this stuff is really supposed to work (stop laughing). what it is is basically concentrated acids and stuff from chili peppers (no, really). so, i guess what you're paying for is a concentrated can of hot sauce! maybe, i'll go the el cheapo version, get some death-by-heat peppars,mash em up, and carry a bowl around with me. also, wouldn't it be a bummer if there was a big ol bear in front of you, you whipped out your "counter assault" spray, and someone accidently filled it with air freshener instead? then again, maybe you'd put the bear in a good mood and he'd just walk away and leave you alone.
At these heights I can barely see myself
Such an aid in the days of pride
What have I but Thee in Thine country?
Greatest love and light,
Fulfillment and purpose
I’ve struggled hard to find thee there,
Not in my land but in my ways,
In my mind,
In my days
I find at last not in sheltered cove,
In barren land
Or glorious trove
But In myself
And self-without
In rest at last
Rest from me,
And rest from my
Beneath this endless bluest sky,
For hear in true rest I’ve found thee,
And found myself,
In losing me
I’ve cried to thee form topmost spire
As if from there thine grace were higher
But Thou found me on lowest ground,
When to truth-love surrendered,
I be found
