Monday, May 23, 2005



call me close to hear
but i find myself in torment
when the sky cracks i wake
and fear and wonder all beside
i hear the quiet and the wind
it whistles, it blows, breazes
it calls me
and i come
close to listen, to know, to see
and then the flash
and then the crack
and i so close cannot be unmoved
my heart wants to fail, and run, and hide
the fear of god, and great power
so close i am and not unshaken

and then the rain
and rain is always endless
and distant thunder
and me left safe
though my heart would differ in its opinion
and the quiet
and the slowing of my breath, my heart
and the rain, endless rain
quiets me and speaks of rest and peace
and eternity

i remember the One
that i know and fear, but do not tremble
and in the distance i hear the thunder
terror to many but to me i have no fear
because i walk with him that gives it
i know that love
and fear not


laughter; laughter from those whose heart had nearly failed
reassured in their supremacy, their fearlessness
attempt to reconstruct your mind
your life
your dominance
your pride
forget the fear, the terror, the uncertain
forget above all the knowledge
though brief, of insecurity
the proof of need
the assurrance of dependance

Saturday, May 21, 2005


it was very hot today. nearly 90F i would imagine at the hotest. annie and abbie went to attempt a inner-tube on the boulder creek, but the fact of it being new snowmelt, and that it's only the beginning of summer made for a rather cold, fast-moving experience for them. they have mixed feelings about it. i went for a hike, but was feeling pretty dizzy because of the heat. no snakes today, but the loud and abnoxious insects are out in force

hey hey we have a T I T L E

give me a "T"....give me a "I"...... ok, i'm not doing this, but hey! we have a subaru-title! (ok, not quite, but close enough). after endless hassless, we have got license plates for the subaru! we talked with some swell ladies at the DMV and they jumped through a couple hoopes (how the heck do you spell that? :) for us and sent all our stuff to DMV. they put a rush on it and hopefully it will come while we are in norway (which is fine), and we'll finally have a car to drive upon return!!! i think most likely we'll sell it and be car-less during my stay at CU, or atlest for awhile because i'ts just a large expense and we have so little need of it because we'll both have bus passes and can get anwhere in boulder, denver or longmont with ease (which is important since longmont has a killer mexican joint).

just to piss everyone off, this is my new email. all others are dead, or will be soon. ps: gmail rocks! (powered by google, very cool)


ok, i've written so seldom lately, and i hate that. i really want to tell some things, and you'll have to bare with me with my brevity because it's a beautiful day, and it's an evil thing to be inside.

CU: ok, here's the jist. i've been accepted for this summer, but i thought i'd be out-of-state and they wanted $3k for one class in the summer! (all the private-school parents say "that's it?" :) ). so i called to put me back to starting in fall. when i called the lady said "we have you as in-state resident" for summer; i told her my situation, that i won't have lived here a year until august, but she said (this gives me warm fuzzies everytime) "just don't tell anyone" :), so i'm going to take a chemistry class in the summer if i can get in, which is still in the air. it will begin when i get back from norge (norway), and end when fall starts. general concensus on the ever-wonderful question of "are you happy you're going back to school" is this: i'm absolutely floored for my biology and neurobiology classes, i'm mildly excited as well as mildly grumpy about my chemistry classes, and i'd rather have a frontal labotomy than go through this calculus crap, but i need to do it.

general thoughts on norway: yeah, we have a boat! yeah, norway with annie! yeah, hauling hundreds of pounds of soil! yeah, going fishing! yeah, hanging out in Oslo with annie! (was born there ya-know?) yeah, painting the shed! ...i hope the blau-shell (i'm sure spelling is totally wrong, but these are either "mussels" or "clams", we can never decide) are in season! hope it doesn't rain all the time! hope hethrow doesn't lose any bags!!!!! (insert your-favorite-obscenity upon rememberance of hassels with london, hethrow airport)

short quips:
1. writing: want to write more; hope to put out more poetry, and i hope get started on some novel-esque ideas i've had for awhile
2. reading: steinbeck non-fiction assorted right now; i'm enjoying a lot of american classics; east of eden and old man and the sea are sitting on the floor. i finally finished brother's karamazov! yeah! i didn't finish anne karenina, and i've no intension to, ( B O R I N G :) )
2b....abbie is here. cool to have a friend around, but i'm definitely odd-man out which is why i'm sitting here writing to y'all (soon to be hikin!!) rather than hanging with the girls (which was a wise choice IMHO (in my honest opinion) ) ps: we saw the new star-wars yesterday. well...uhhh...what do you expect! sometimes you just need some whirring-lightsabers, know what i mean? :) but oh my, the DIALOGUE....i think this would be one instance where monkeys-on-typewriters would actually and definitively produce a better script...
3. bible: must resume study of greek/hebrew biblical. love that stuff.

blah blah. i'm done writing.

when spring is in the eden branch,
and little buds to sit entrance
then i will walk, and stroll at ease
and find my breathe beneath your trees


spring is scarry. i was walking along my fav trail the other day, when i came upon another bloke. he says "watch out, there's a snake in the path up ahead". naturally, i was rather non-plussed by the situation. when i got up closer i met another couple people who told me it was a rattlesnake (unconfirmed as i never saw said-snake, and every snake is a "rattlesnake" to those aren't sure; though it might well have been). so i carefully tiptoed a wide girth away from the direction mr. snake went and ressumed my journey. next time i was out i saw two baby snakes myself, but they were both little garter-snakes which begs me to question the validity of the "rattle" hypothesis. those nasty beasts tend not to come up high on my mountain which is a nice reason for being there :) but; i never realized how fearful i am of snakes. i always thought, though i had a distast for them that i really didn't mind that much. though i've heard a rattle snake before (annie came close to one in texas canyon, CA), i've never seen one in the wild in my life, which is old given my affection for outdoors and my former life in CA, but i digress. spring is also scarry cuz the woods make sounds they really shouldn't make. for those on the watch for things that rattle, there is a little bug which makes a rather frightening imatation, and he tends to be everywhere. there are all kinds of noises in the woods. i tend to find myself trying to gain quickly in altitude so that i can get away from the noise of spring and have some solitude. some bugs don't know when to shut up...but strangely there is a little pond on the way and everytime i pass a group of frogs fall totally silent until i'm gone...very nice of them.

ps: i just realized i've neglected to touch on the title. spring/summer also brings weird storms from every-which way. recently i was hiking and it started lightning/thundering, and then turned to sleet (for those inclined-to-sunshine this is like "big-wet-puffy-semi-soft-hail" :), which turned to rain, and to bright sun all under 10 minutes. got to love it.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

just to trick you

new email:

not using others anymore, but don't fret i check up on them from time to time. i just like to be mean :)